Let’s face it. Whether we readily admit to it or not, we’re pretty much all looking for validation in some area (or many areas) of our lives.

We’re aware that our desire for validation isn’t necessarily “healthy” and it can feel weak to admit that other’s people’s admiration and respect matters to us as much as we feel it does, so we don’t really acknowledge it.

But as humans, we all need to be seen.

As people who put so much of ourselves into the work we do, to be told by others that that work is meaningful and worth the struggle is often what carries us through and motivates us to keep going.

But because we don’t acknowledge this need, even to ourselves, we can end up measuring our worth — and that of our work — by the wrong things.

Rather than inviting in a few, carefully chosen people who understand the process of our craft in on the real challenges and triumphs of our work, we keep everyone at arm’s length and prop our egos up based on metrics that sound impressive — especially to those who may not know what’s really going on inside.

Numbers Can Lie

We might subtly slip in how our team has grown to 15 members, an impressive-sounding stat that leaves out that they’re contractors, not actual employees, which feels a little less impressive (I’ve done that).

Or, we might share that we work with 30 clients. Wow! Buuuuuut we leave out that with a third of them you’re barely making a profit, and a bunch of them haven’t sent us new work in months (yup, I’ve done that too).

And then of course, you might proudly trot out your impressive revenue numbers when someone asks, conveniently omitting the fact that you as the owner are working for minimum wage, maybe even less (you guessed it, I’ve been there too…).

Balancing Optimism With Realism

I’m all for looking at the positives, and with each of the above examples, there are certainly elements to be proud of.

But we need to be real with ourselves about why these numbers matter to us. Are they really important markers of the impact of the work we’re doing? Or are they papering over issues that we don’t want or know how to confront?

In my case, it was definitely the latter.

I came to a point where I realized that by measuring our success at Counterweight Creative solely on the above metrics was placating me, lending less urgency to addressing issues head on, and ultimately taking up brain space and energy by actively ignoring the problems that I knew needed to be resolved.

I realized that while a 15-member team sounds impressive and I love each and every one of them, in the long term, I’d rather move to a smaller team of 3–5 full and part-time employees who are more engaged in the success of the company, supplemented with contractors as needed.

I realized that keeping the inactive clients on my “active client” database made me feel good when I looked at it, but that it didn’t reflect the truth of the current situation, and wasn’t making it easy to clearly assess our client base, offerings and revenue forecasting.

Once I pruned the list, my view of where we were at snapped into sharper focus and I immediately felt more agile and confident in my decision making.

Lastly, I realized that I was measuring the success of the company largely by the overall gross revenue, completely discounting the fact that I was not able to pay myself an adequate wage, and that I needed to take action to change that.

I had been ignoring overhead costs, paying too little attention to profit margins, and vaguely hoping that as we scaled, things would improve.

Don’t Cheat Yourself

By taking a hard look at the numbers, I realized that not only was I cheating myself, I wasn’t structuring the business and our pricing in a way that would allow me to consistently give raises to my team, bring on full-time employees, or to invest in further growth of the business.

Acknowledging that I was measuring the success of the business, and my own worth by these vanity metrics was like plunging into an ice bath. But once I got past the initial shock, I found myself more energized to focus on making real changes and improvements.

Find The Others

Most of us do work that few people in our lives might actually understand completely, and rather than explaining what’s really going on in our businesses, we opt for the cheap validation we can get from a surface level statistic that “clearly” conveys our success.

The nuance of both the struggle and the triumph of creating work that matters, that impacts even just one person in a meaningful way is often lost on outsiders.

The answer is to find people who understand what it means to do that work. People who are on the same journey you’re on and invite them in.

Sure, give them your vanity metrics, but follow it up with the reality of where you’re at.

Share with them your real successes, your real challenges.

Chances are they’re either going through the same thing right now, are going to go through it soon and will appreciate your insight from the experience, or have already gone through it and can provide useful guidance to help you move through the problem.

It takes real bravery to be vulnerable, to share the truth of who you are and where you’re at with your work.

But the validation, recognition, and support are so much much deeper when you’ve shared them with those who really, truly see you. Who understand where you’re at, where you’ve been, and where you’re trying to go, because they’re right there alongside you.

Quit hiding. We need your best work.

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